Oh My God, Shoes!
by MissOtisRegrets
Summary: Based on the popular YouTube video. Claire's going to get what she wants, and the Pretty Committee are going to help her! Head to the Westchester, girls: let's get some shoes.
1. Intro

Shoes: A Clique Fanfic

All credit due to Tinker-Bell-Greenleaf's "Plants".

Disclaimer: I do not own The Clique. Sadder still, I do not own the Shoes song.

"Happy Birthday, Claire!" Judi and Jay Lyons were beaming down at their eldest child, and only daughter. Claire smiled bravely: what would it be this year? A phone? An iPod? A PalmPilot, like the rest of her friends had? Maybe even some decent shoes? Jimmy Choo? Valentino? No, probably not. As Claire well knew, her parents were not the best of gift-givers, and she was still recovering from the horror of last year's gift, a cutlery set.

Claire read her card politely and began to open the square, heavy package. "iPhone!" she thought, ecstatic. "Thanks Mom and Dad," she said, smiling, before realising what lay before her. "A...book?"

"Not just any book, honey!" exclaimed Judi, excitedly. "It's Paradise Lost!"

Claire felt like dying. She looked at her parents with a new frustration. Don't you understand?" she shouted. "Do you pay any attention to me at all? What am I doing all day, reading books the size of a tree? No! I'm going out with my friends, who had to give me a phone because I didn't have one! I'm talking to them on my clapped-out computer! I'm listening to music, but on a walkman because you think iPods are antisocial!" Claire took a deep breath, trying not to look at her parents' shocked, hurt faces. "I've had enough of it!" she continued, making her way to the door. "I mean, do you ever think about what I want?"

"Of course we do, honey, we're family!" said Judi. "We all have the same hopes!"

"Cam." thought Claire.

"Massie." thought Todd.

"Normal children." thought Judi.

"A hot dog." thought Jay.

Claire sighed, deeply annoyed, and stormed out. "Where are you going, Claire?" asked Jay, confused.

"I'm going," shouted an emotional Claire, "To get what I want."


	2. Verse 1

As Claire stomped in her American Eagle pumps towards the Block Mansion, she thought she heard a techno beat in her head. It powered her on, like when she marched with the Pretty Commitee in to the Mall, keeping step to a song. But today the song was her own, a song of what she longed to have. "Shoes." she said, robotically. "Shoes."

"Shoes!" squealed Massie, when Claire, her best friend, came in to her room. Massie was seated on her huge bed, surrounded by purple shoes. Claire was overwhelmed by the very sight of them. "Oh My God!!! Shoes!" she said, taking one to hug. The girls were very joyful. Suddenly, Massie had an idea.

"Let's get some shoes!" she said, phoning Alicia. Claire was reminded of her own parents' refusal to get her a phone, and decided that she better buy herself a decent present.

"Let's get some shoes." repeated a hyperactive Alicia.

"Let's get some shoes!" said Dylan through the speaker, letting out an excited burp.

"Let's get some shoes." said Massie coolly, to Isaac the driver. He knew exactly where to take her. The car was headed towards the Westchester Mall.

When they got to the mall, the rest of the group was already there, obviously thinking firmly about the goal of today's shopping trip.

"Shoes!" was Massie's way of greeting them.

"Shoes..." supplemented Alicia, gazing at the Ralph Lauren store.

"Ohmygod, shoes!" said Claire, seriously excited now that she was actually at the mall and near to so many shoes.

"Shoes!" said Dylan, a little slow on the uptake.

By now, they had reached a store, and were raring to go.


	3. Verse 2

The first store they walked in was Payless Shoe Store, heavily packed with bargain-hunters. The winter sales has just begun, and the Clique all knew that this meant the good ones would be gone soon. Claire, maniacal with shoe-joy, devised a quick system for marking her favourite styles. She began to shout rythmically:

"These shoes rule!" (to some army-print Keds.)

"These shoes suck!" (to some Tommy Hilfiger flip-flops.)

Massie could see that this wasn't going well, and quickly signaled Kristen to help out.

"These shoes rule." said Kristen, to some stylish orange flats.

Massie looked at the $36.99 price tag and corrected her: "These shoes suck!"

Kristen was looking wounded, so the group moved on.

"Shoes," pointed out Dylan as they passed a store.

Massie, however, remained unmoved.

"Shoes" said Kristen as they reached another establishment.

Massie sipped her frappucino pensively.

"Shoes!" remarked Claire, gazing at a shoe window.

"Oh My God, Shoes!" Massie finally said, dragging them all in to Monolo Blahnik.

"These shoes rule!" commented Alicia, looking at some black round-toed heels.

Massie, however, still looked sour, and stuck to her chant of the Payless Shoe Store:

"These shoes suck!" she said to some loafers.

"These shoes suck!" she said to some boots.

"These shoes suck!" she said to the attendant, who looked quite hurt.

Claire, though, had actually been pleased to have Massie make this distraction. Monolo had driven her mad with desire, and she was now escaping the store unnoticed by the offended attendant.


	4. Verse 3

Claire's shoplifting phase, however, was short lived. As soon as she had left the store, a security gaurd stopped her.

"I think you have too many shoes." he said, indicating the 23 or so pairs that she was attempting to stuff on her person.

"Shut up!" said Claire, foaming at the mouth. These were her shoes.

"I think you have too many shoes." he said again, this time to a frantic Kristen, who had escaped the store by wearing three pairs of shoes.

"Shut up!" Kristen and Claire told him.

Unfazed by the girls, he repeated: "I think you have too many shoes!", this time also to Dylan, who had in fact paid for her shoes, but could not actually get out of the door.

"Shut up!" said the three girls. It was obviously just that the door was too small.

Massie and Alicia pushed their through the entrance and now five were standing face to face with him. Still he said again:

"I think you have too many shoes!"

"SHUT UP!" they all said at once. Massie slapped him, and Alicia held him down with the point of her new kitten heels.

"Stupid boy." she said.

The group were all very pleased by this demonstration of what passes for wit in their circle, and a satisfied Claire now told the rest of them what to do.

"Let's get some shoes!"

Then, after some reconsideration, "Let's party!"

They quickly made a formation and marched through the mall. It was about more than the shoes now. It was about going wild.


	5. Verse 4

The Pretty Committee, continuing their rampage through the Westchester, found yet another shoes shop they had not been to. Everybody except Kristen was tired, she had athletic-strength stamina, and was capable of racing through the mall even without her Pumas. But by now, Kristen was beyond Pumas. She was staring at a set of suede platform wedges, and chanting to herself -

"These shoes are three hundred dollars." Kristen had some money issues, and especially after today's super-spree, she had begun to get a bit of a shoes come-down. She was feeling the guilt.

"These shoes are three hundred dollars." she repeated, looking at her friends for some guidance.

"These shoes are three hundred EFFING dollars!" she said, cursing uncharacteristically for a Westchester girl.

Kristen turned to her band of friends, gazing upward, wide-eyed, as if she had discovered some great secret.

"LET'S GET 'EM!" she said happily, and the rest of the group jumped up and down in unison, such was their joy. Despite their heavy bags, they felt weightless as they danced through the stores, uplifted through their purchases.


	6. Verse 5

Massie was next to take the spotlight as they found a small boutique selling some truly exciting purple snakeskin cowboy boots. Massie was in such anticipation that she could hardly breathe as she waited for the attendant to bring her the shoes in her size.

But soon, her hopes were dashed by an unhelpful Dylan, who pointed out:

"Um. This style runs small - I don't think you're gonna fit...I mean, your feet are kinda big."

There was a stunned silence among the Pretty Committe. Never had such blasphemy been spoken. Dylan had obviously gotten too hyper with her new purchases.

"Oh." said Alicia.

"Oh." said Kristen.

"Oh." said Claire.

Massie had the Final Word:

"Oh - by the way bitch...EFF YOU!"

The display of bad language was really shocking to the mall community.

Malice was apparent in Massie's amber eyes, and Dylan quickly shrank away from the chaise lounge she had been reclining on, using several shoe boxes to hide behind. The PC, however, were on Massie's side.

"Eff you!" echoed Claire, akwardly.

"Eff you!" said Kristen, energetically.

"Eff you!" said Alicia, enthusiastically.

And they all descended upon Dylan.


End file.
